Stand Still & Move Forward

My horoscope was so right on today I just had to share it:

At the moment, there's nowhere else you'd rather be than home, and while you can't click your heels together and get yourself there, probably because of a work situation, all you can think about is shuffling through the front door, pulling down the shades and curling up with the cat on the couch. Fade to black. That's not the kind of thing you'd ever do, though--unless you'd really had it with the entire world.

Yup, that's kind of how it's been lately. I'm Dorothy clicking the heels of my ruby red slippers together over and over, but it's just not working. Don't get me wrong, nothing horrible or catastrophic has happened in my life lately. I've just kind of had it with all the little annoying things and stupid people I have to deal with every day. What I need is a real vacation AND a trip home.

Things are happening right now that I'm not ready to discuss yet until a few things are ironed out, which is why I've become an anxiety-ridden ball of stress. Even complete strangers are asking if I'm OK and telling me I look tired. Sadly, I don't think a real vacation is possible anytime soon mainly because of the "work situation" mentioned in the horoscope, and I may not make it home until Christmas.

In a previous post I talked about initiating change and starting new things, but I'd forgotten how stressful change can be even if it's something you're willing to embrace. It's scary and exciting and nerve-wracking and completely necessary if you want to move forward. I just wish I could fast forward through a couple of things and get to the part when I finally go on that much-needed vacation where I wake up to the sounds of a gentle breeze and a small bird's chirps, stretch out in the biggest, fluffiest, most comfortable bed I've ever slept in, and then open my eyes to see the most beautiful view Mother Nature has ever created.

The Kindness of Strangers

One of the things I actually love about my job is how it can sometimes pleasantly surprise me on any given day. Friday was one of those days.

Maintaining a Twitter page for our company is one of my job responsibilities. I retweet what others post and I comment and have conversations with people from time to time. There’s one person I interact with mainly because I find him interesting and entertaining. He drives across the country doing something he really loves for a living, and you can see it on his website and in his tweets. One of the things he tweeted Friday morning included a picture of a popular burger chain out west called In-N-Out. Since I’m from that side of the country and love that burger joint, I tweeted back, “I’m so jealous.”

From that point on we were engaged in a bunch of direct messages. Long story short, he basically asked for our company address and before I knew it a delivery guy from the deli around the corner was handing me a box full of cupcakes:

This virtual stranger I had exchanged pleasantries with a few times online had a dozen cupcakes sent to our company from across the country. What was his reason? It was very simple; he wanted to thank us for being so kind to him and thought we at least deserved cupcakes for working so hard. Sure, there could have been an ulterior motive—some strange marketing ploy, I don’t know—but my gut tells me this was just an act of pure kindness. Well, at least that’s what I choose to believe. There are so many things in this world that make me lose my faith in humanity, but it only takes one small ray of sunshine to erase it all and give me hope.

Let the Creative Juices Flow

I'm feeling motivated and I hope it lasts long enough for me to accomplish something. After enduring one bad work week after another for the past few months, I've decided to pick myself up and do something about it. Work sucks? I updated my resume this weekend and my Monster.com account and sent out resumes. I'm also looking into a freelance editing gig to earn some extra bucks. Personal life sucks? I teamed up with a co-worker to write a crappy screenplay about how our lives should have turned out. When it's finished, we're hoping that some production company that produces cheesy TV movies will buy it. Bank account depleted? Stay at home and write, write, write so we can finish the cheesy TV-movie screenplay and make some money.

I also have three ideas for a novel bouncing around in my head. They're all very different from each other, but I think each one has potential. As long as we're still on the whole writing thing, I'm trying to make a conscious effort to keep up the blogs, especially the TV one now that I have a Twitter account. BTW...10 random followers already. Woohoo!

My last two projects involve editing a comic...er...graphic novel and a story my friend has been working on, which is actually pretty interesting and has me wanting to know what's going to happen.

Yeah, when I decide to go full steam ahead it's pretty much all or nothing. The abnormal amounts (at least for me) of iced coffee I've been drinking lately might have something to do with all this hyperactivity. I used to feel this way about work, but I think it would be better for me to use this energy for my own projects.

So what exactly triggered this frenzy of activity, you ask? My boss will be adding another person to our tiny team, probably next week, and I'm not too happy about the new hire. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure this person is absolutely lovely, but I already don't like her because she's basically going to be me. Instead of hiring a full-time, on-site developer that we desperately asked for and need, she's hiring a person who has the skills to do my job and is asking for a salary that's $20k more than mine. This means I'm never going to get my 10% back and I'll probably be forced to be the go-to technical person while she gets the creative projects I wanted. So, to avoid getting sucked into this drama and becoming a raging ball of fury, I've already asked for my own office (which was offered to me before but I declined because I didn't see the point) to help keep me sane and I've started looking for a new job. I got a call from a recruiter today about a pretty kick-ass job, so fingers crossed that the hiring manager thinks I'm worth interviewing and hiring.

Anyway, that's what's been going on with me lately. Time to get back to work. I have some notes to incorporate into our screenplay outline that I want to get done before bed. Night!

If You Can't Beat Them, Follow Them

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I now have a Twitter account. I know, gasp. It's not a "personal" account with my name and this blog on it, but it is linked to my TV blog. So why did I sell out? I did it for a job...well, a job that I really want. If you read this job description, I guarantee you would think it was created for me. Unfortunately, one of the job requirements is: Significant personal presence on a variety of social media sites.

While I do maintain our social media sites at work, I don't have my own. So I decided to jump on the bandwagon and start one. Although, the chances of me actually getting this job are pretty much the same as my chances of winning the lottery. I'm sure a million people have already applied during the four days the ad has been up on the site. Even if the economy were in good shape, there would still be a ton of people applying simply because the job is for an entertainment site.

Anyway, the point to this post is that I'm on Twitter now so it's only a matter of time before it completely consumes me. Could Facebook be next? Possibly, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.

What’s in a Dream?

Last week was the week of anxiety dreams. I’m not sure exactly what triggered them, but they were very vivid and made me wake up way before my alarm.

In one of them my teeth were falling out. I was talking to someone, I believe I was trying to help a guy who looked like one of the football players on Friday Night Lights, when my teeth just started falling out. At first my tongue pushed against my bottom teeth and shifted them. I tried to push them back into place, but I was just pushing them more out of position. Before I knew it my teeth were falling into my hands, but my hands didn’t look like my hands. They were these old, wrinkled hands with bony fingers, which were basically skin and bone. The minute I woke up I checked to see if my teeth were still in my mouth. It seemed way too real.

Then on another night I had a dream that a married guy, who looked like Tom Welling at times and some guy I knew in high school named George Park at other times, kept trying to get me to go out with him. Sadly, even in my dreams it’s impossible for me to be the bad girl. No matter how much I wanted him, the only thought that kept running through my head was that he was married. I woke up feeling annoyed with myself for not just going for what I wanted, even in a dream.

I can no longer remember the other dreams that plagued me last week, but I suppose that’s a good thing. Even in sleep I seem to be feeling restless, which is really annoying since I really love and value my sleep. I’ve taken advantage of this three-day weekend and spent most of my time trying to clear my mind. Of course, my mind will never be totally clear, but I did my best, got some rest and am hoping this week will be much better.

Beauty

I've never really been a big fan of musicians. Hmmm, let me re-phrase that...I've never followed the career of any particular musicians from beginning to end. Sure, I like listening to music and I respect the talent it takes to write songs and perform them, but I've never been that person who has favorite artists and goes to all their concerts and buys every one of their CDs. I have a lot of friends who do and I think it's awesome that they know every word of every song and have collections of ticket stubs and cool T-shirts. I guess I just never connected with an artist like they did. Sure, there are songs that have spoken to me and conveyed everything I've ever wanted to say, but those were one-shots. I found that the rest of the songs on the album didn't really say much to me at all even though it was fun to listen to them.

However, there is one musician I've been following regularly since I heard her song on an episode of Smallville two years ago: Marié Digby. The minute her first album came out I knew I had to have it, because every song I'd heard on her MySpace page touched something in me. The album definitely didn't disappoint--it was on heavy rotation on my iPod for a very long time. In fact, the song on Smallville has a permanent spot on my "Songs I Listen to on the Commute" playlist because I smile every time I hear it. I also began reading her blog posts, watching her videos and checking her Twitter updates. I even went to one of her concerts in NYC. I guess you could say I became a fan.

The only reason I'm mentioning her now is because I read something she posted today about beauty and I thought the message itself was, well, beautiful. She obviously isn't the only artist out there who feels this way and this is by no means an original idea (Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" is the anthem for this topic), but I think what I like about it is how she explains it all--with a good story.

Anyway, if you want to read it, you can check it out here: "What is beauty to you?"

Little Miss Snowman

Here's this year's comic strip. Enjoy!

Part 1:

Part 2:

Hangin' Tough

My job has very few perks, but once in a while we'll get offered press trips. While the awesome trips like the ones to the Caribbean, Hawaii and South Africa usually go to the magazine editors, the New England casino resort trips are the ones that come across my desk. I'm not complaining because I enjoyed my trip very much and it provided me with a much-needed getaway to relax. Oddly, it was more relaxing watching TV in a hotel room than in my own living room. Go figure. 

Anyway, the highlight of the trip involved something I was never able to do when I was in high school--go to a New Kids on the Block concert. Yup, you read that right. I attended my first NKTOB concert and the experience was fantastic. The theater was full of women in their 30s and 40s rockin homemade "Donnie's Girl" T-shirts and screaming their heads off. It was fantastic! I only wish I had my own girls with me to be stupid with as well. Concerts like this require lots of alcohol and your closest girlfriends. Getting crazy with a bunch of strangers was a little odd, but not to worry, I was on my feet with everyone bopping my head to the tunes I knew. I didn't know a lot of their new songs, but whenever I heard one of the oldies I found myself mouthing the words. And yes, I did sway back and forth to "Hangin' Tough"--how could you not?

After the concert Donnie hosted a party at the Hard Rock Cafe and we all got VIP passes. I was able to take a picture with the man, but I look like Professor Klump from the Nutty Professor, so I'm exercising my right to not post it here. However, here are a few pics from the concert and one of Donnie:

So, what was Donnie like? He was an ass--totally not impressed with him. I have a feeling Jordan or Joey would have been a little more sociable. The whole experience of getting a picture with him was a little traumatic. I only wanted a picture of just him to round out my celebrity sightings week and prove that I was actually there, but the PR girl felt I needed to have a picture with him so she made it a mission to get one. 

We managed to squeeze through the crowd and make our way to the front, but as I was trying to get myself out of a wedge of people, someone pushed the PR girl who pushed me and launched me past Donnie's bodyguard. He reprimanded me and told me to calm down and wait my turn like I was some sort of crazy, psychotic fangirl. OK, let me clarify something here before I go on with this story. Yes, I have been known to be a superfan of certain actors, but the reality is I would never say a word to them if I saw them in person. I'm that much of a chicken. In fact, I've seen every one of my celebrity crushes and not once have I spoken one word to them. So, for this bodyguard to think that I would push and shove my way past everyone to see Donnie was a total insult to me. So of course I tried to explain to him that I was pushed, but he was having none of it. He just kept dismissing me like I was some crazy girl and kept telling me to wait my turn while I continued to argue with him. Finally Donnie's friend, who decided to pose in every picture, grabbed me and told me to just come over and take the picture. He was nice, Donnie and the bodyguard--not so much. Once I got my pic I was supposed to take the PR girl's pic with my camera, but Donnie and the bodyguard just grabbed me, yelled that I was going the wrong way and pulled me toward the exit. Yeah, that wasn't humiliating. 

This experience was the complete opposite of seeing Tom Welling earlier that week. At least he was nice enough to sign autographs and take pics with everyone in the front row. Hell, while all the handlers were trying to get the stars in their cars, he totally ignored them and continued to smile and pose for pics with his fans. The man may not make a lot of appearances or do a lot of press, but when he does, he seems like a class act.

So yeah, that was my experience. It was definitely...memorable.

Crazy Town

WARNING: If you hate bitching and moaning, then you may want to stop reading this post now. There, you've been warned. Have a nice day.

I basically need to vent about something that happened yesterday, and I figured, hey, this is my space why not do it here? So that's exactly what I'm doing. I realize there are more important things in this world than work, but it's the center of mine right now and it's annoying the crap out of me. What else is new, right?

Yesterday I received a mean email from one of our sales guys in response to my decision to cut a feature in one of our big online editorial packages. Keep in mind that he sent this to the entire sales staff and conveniently took my boss and coworker off the list:

"I earn my living by selling fashion advertising.  Exactly how do you think that I feel about your decision to cut the fashion information from one of the most successful promotions we've done in years? Is there any information that you can pass along to me about this that I can use?"

Here are a few points I'd like to make:

1) This is an EDITORIAL package. There are no advertisers paying for this and I am not obligated to include a fashion designer just because they advertise with us. Yes, in the world of publishing sometimes the lines are a little blurry, but it is not my job to do your job. Again, this is an editorial package so stop calling it a promotion.

2) Editors cut editorial all the time for whatever reason. Were there things I wanted to include? Of course! I had an entire plan outlined for this package from the beginning, but because of lack of info, time and resources I had to let go of a few things. We already had a fashion feature, so I decided to cut the second one because it wasn't as important as the main one. When you're the sole person in charge of the editorial schedule and content for an entire website of a national magazine you have to sacrifice a few things. I am my own worst critic and I will always be the first one to tell you what I did wrong or what I need to improve. So stop criticizing other people's work and do your own, asshole.

3) It is not my job to tell you how to do your job. This editorial package was only sent to the sales team as a model of what they could possibly provide to potential advertisers. They didn't even know we were running this on the site for the past three weeks until that email was sent. Why? Because they never look at our site. How is it possible for our sales team to actually sell the site if they don't know what's on it? I have no idea. The bottom line is that advertisers only care about numbers. Mentioning a designer in an article is not what's going to make them buy advertising--why should they if we're already mentioning them for free? It's the numbers that are going to push them to hand over the money. This package was something we'd never done before and by our standards it was a success. We increased traffic through this partnership and set up a great example of what can be done in the future. For a first run, I think we did a pretty good job. Can we improve it? Yes, we can, and when the opportunity presents itself again, we will produce something better.

Not knowing how to respond to the man's email, I forwarded it to my boss who then said she'd take care of it. What really irks me about this whole situation is that the next time an opportunity to do what we did comes up, I'm pretty sure my boss is going to be on top of me the entire time, like I'm some college intern who doesn't now what she's doing. I'm sorry, but when she was in charge of maintaining the site, she didn't have nearly as much work as there is now and she never produced as much content. Fine, if everyone else thinks they can do a better a job, then just fire me and do it yourself. Better yet, just hire an intern--they cost less.

I suppose sales guy felt bad for having pissed off my boss and coworker (but not me), so he sent them an email this morning telling them how smart they were because a video he saw said that people with their "background" are smarter--something about the proof being in their DNA. He proceeded to tell them they were smarter than everyone else (probably meant me) and that they were princesses. Yeah, I have no words for that display of idiocy.

So, if I were one to draw conclusions, this man is basically saying that I don't know how to do my job and I'm stupid because of my inferior "background." Hmmmm, you'd think I'd be used to this by now considering one of my college journalism professors basically said I'd have no future as a journalist and the editors at my first job didn't have enough confidence in me to make me a staff writer or copy editor. Yes, there was a little bitterness in that statement even after all these years, but the truth is I should be thanking them. The college professor's comments only made me work that much harder and forced me to find an area of journalism I liked. The editors who didn't give me those promotions actually pointed me in a different direction that has proven to be a much better fit for me. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that although a particular situation may seem horrible at the time, there's also something positive that can come out of it--and that's what really matters.

What exactly is the positive to this latest work drama? I'm not exactly sure yet, but I do know that with time it will be clear and I will be thankful.

OK, venting session done. We can return to our regularly scheduled program.

Rewind to April 8-26, 2010:Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Here's an abbreviated rundown of everything that went down during my April vacay/RM visit. Warning, if you get tired easily, you may not want to keep reading.

4/8

Almost late for my flight. Arrived at the gate 15 minutes before takeoff. Landed at the Orange County airport on time but had to wait for sister to get her butt in gear. Got into fight about two hours after being in CA (a new record) about her significantly older boyfriend. Said hello to the puppies and passed out.

4/9

Woke up early, made amends with sister and prepared for 8-hour trip to San Francisco that ended up being a 10-hour trip because of traffic.

4/10

Drove sister to Sonoma so she could stay with her friend. Dropped mom off in Union Square so she could visit with her friend. Met up with my friends for a little quality time. Met AB's brand-new baby boy and BV's newest boy toy. Had tons of fun catching up. Always nice to see those girls. I miss them. After visit I picked up mom and we had dinner at Fisherman's Wharf.

4/11

Mom and I met up with JM in Novato. She took us to Bodega Bay--where one of my favorite movies of all time, The Birds, was filmed. It was rainy and gloomy all day, which made it the perfect weather for a Bodega Bay visit. After an awesome lunch, we drove around exploring the small towns in the area. We picked up sister from friend's house in Sonoma, said our goodbyes to JM and AM, then headed back to San Francisco for dinner with cousin.

4/12

Packed everything into the car and headed back down to SoCal.

4/13

Woke up early to go walking by the beach in Dana Point with AD. Spent the day with her and hung out with her kids for a little bit. Spent time with the family that night.

4/14

Had one of the worst birthdays ever, but it ended with a nice dinner with family and friends at one of my fave burger joints--Islands.

4/15

Woke up early again to go on a hike in Laguna Woods with AD then had a lovely dinner with DS and NG at The Block.

4/16

For my bday present, RJ took me to the Taylor Swift concert at the Staples center. Had an awesome dinner at Trader Vic's before the big show. Awesome concert--lots of fun.

4/17

Breakfast with RJ and RM at Madison Square Cafe in Laguna Beach. Had the best pancakes ever! Spent the afternoon with PB, HB and their adorable daughters. Thankfully SB didn't run away from me screaming. I think we're making progress. Finished off the day with a visit to Yogurtland. YUM!

4/18

Low-key day full of packing and napping before boarding the red-eye flight back to NJ.

4/19

Back at work. Time to get ready for RM's visit. Estimated date of arrival: Thursday 4/22.

4/22

RM and MP arrive from Boston. Met up with them after work and found out our Nobu dinner is that night, not Friday night. I'm really stylin' in my black Converse sneakers at Nobu Next Door. Thanks guys for the heads up!

4/23

Spent the day in the city. Here's what we did: Breakfast at Dean & DeLuca's in Rockefellar Center, short stop in St. Patrick's Cathedral, strolled up Fifth Ave to Lexington Ave., went downtown for lunch at Momofuku (best ramen ever!), headed down Broadway into Chinatown and Little Italy, had a snack at the really cheap dumpling place in Chinatown (soooo goood! can't beat 5 fried for $1 and 10 steamed for $1), picked up another snack at Rice to Riches, headed to Katz's for dinner, picked up dessert at Crumb's and Magnolia's, went home to relax. Since RM is a foodie, this day was all about the NYC food tour. I need to detox as soon as she leaves.

4/24

Another gorgeous day in the city--headed in to take in the sites. Here's what we did: Started with the best breakfast at Alice's Tea Cup, took a stroll through Central Park, sat in Bryant Park and ate some scones, took in a puppet show at the New York Public Library, wandered around Grand Central Station, walked part of the Brooklyn Bridge, saw the Statue of Liberty from Battery Park, walked by Ground Zero, had dinner at Lombardi's on Spring st., took a peek at Serendipity and Dylan's Candy Bar, went home and conked out. Phew...long day.

4/25

RM wasn't feeling well, so we opted to have a lazy day. Spent the entire time watching romantic comedies. We did manage to leave the house around five to get some hot dogs from Rutt's Hut in Clifton, NJ.

4/26

Went to work while RM got her things together for her early AM exit the next day. Stopped by Gray's Papaya to get her some hot dogs and picked up some White Castle burgers in Jersey. Such a nutritious dinner! It's salads for me for the rest of this week and next week.

Phew...all done. Next up...May Madness.

Rewind to February 26, 2010: The Newseum

I know this post is a little late, but I guess better late than never. Here's my trip (in pictures) to the Newseum in DC:

The West Germany side of the Berlin Wall

I liked this panel. 

The East Germany side of the Berlin Wall

East German guard tower that stood near Checkpoint Charlie

Today's Front Pages Gallery

The view from the gallery

9/11 Gallery that features front pages from around the world

Communication tower from the top of one of the WTC buildings

Inside Tim Russert's office

Two of my favorite quotes

The place is massive and I tried to see everything I could, but I need to go back and revisit some things. I kind of whizzed by them and wasn't able to read a lot of things or watch the movies. It's a beautiful museum, and I highly suggest a visit if you're ever in town.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's...

Super...I mean Clark...ummmm, Tom Welling!

Yeah, today was a good day. ;)

Here are some of the other actors who attended the CW Upfront today:

Robert Buckley from One Tree Hill

Chace Crawford from Gossip Girl

Paul Wesley from The Vampire Diaries

Nina Dobrev from The Vampire Diaries

 Ryan Eggolds from 90210

 Shiri Appleby & Kerr Smith from Life Unexpected

The State of Affairs at 3:48 a.m.

Flood #4

So much for a good night's sleep. I have nothing else to say.